This list is massive. Fifty-eight app jokes in total. It’s like this could be a novelty Twitter account, but no, it’s an easy-to-read text post without the bullshit of making you wait for all the jokes to slowly trickle out.
Some of my favorites:
- Flashlight: You’ve been planning a camping trip for two years.
- The Weather Channel: When the street gets wet, so do you.
- Twitter: You are super-up-to-date on celebrity deaths, arguments, and endings to TV shows you intended to watch on Netflix Instant next year.
- LinkedIn: You own non-ironic motivational posters.
- Pandora: You are a Thai restaurant.
Instapaper: Light glows from your fingertips as you, after absorbing all human knowledge in the little moments when everyone else daydreams or texts or plays Where’s My Water, synthesize this information into pure psychic ability, bending matter and energy to your will.